nonce.gif (14117 bytes) NonceManChild is here to label anyone that the Nonce Selection Panel considers to be a candidate for Nonce of the Month award.
Nonce of the Month A tie between this nonce nonce1.jpg (108266 bytes) and this onenonce2.jpg (9604 bytes)


Here are some prime Nonce emails, sent by people of questionable intelligence to 250+ people in the company:


Theme: Corporate America fears the legal system
Subject: Company Picnic - June 12th - PLEASE DO NOT DELETE BEFORE READING!

Please be advised that the Executive Management has made a decision not to provide alcohol at our company picnic due to the liability issues involved.

Theme: Stupidity

Subject: Pardon the Intrusion...

This is a long shot, but I am looking for a Brunette wig, shoulder length or slightly shorter. I only need it for 24 hours and promise to guard it with my life. NO QUESTIONS NEED TO BE ASKED.

Theme: Anger, Petty
Subject:  Stolen OJ

OK...who is the rude dog that stole a large orange juice out of a tray of

three large orange juices? I brought these in this morning for clients.

If you are any kind of gentleman (or lady) you will reimburse me for this

transgression. I am not joking about this.

Theme: Did he jump? No he was sacked.
Subject: Making Dreams Come True

Dear All,

My wife and I have had the dream of building a mountain cabin in Winter Park for several years and now this dream has become a reality. I am trading in my keyboard for a chalk line this summer and will be off playing general contractor and carpenter. I'm sorry to say we won't be escaping schedules, budgets, contractors, and "code" inspectors, but it should be a memorable experience. We are taking reservations for the guest bedroom - you must attend a half day home building seminar to be qualified (tools supplied). I hope to have the roof on and be back to work before the snow falls. Have a nice summer and if you are in the neighborhood please stop by.

Theme: Abject Stupidity
Subject: Beware

My friend sent this to me...JUST BEWARE.

If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately.


>Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty, It will not only

>erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything

>on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

>It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards, and reprograms

>your ATM access code.

>It screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics

>to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

>It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your

>ice cream melts and your milk curdles.

>It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's

>number every evening around dinner time.

>This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all

>your beer. (I personally was most concerned about this particular symptom.)

>It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting


>It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all

>while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing

>their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

>It will replace your Vaseline with Ben-Gay and your Ben-Gay with crazy


>It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It will rewrite your word

>processor backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense

>and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the

>interpretations of key sentences.

>If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will

>leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in

>dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden

tags from

>your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with

>whole milk.

>It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will molecularly

>rearrange your cologne , causing it to smell like dill pickles.

>These are just a few signs of infection.!

Theme: Difficulty of asking for a cleaner
Subject: Desperately Seeking a Housecleaner/maid-type

If anyone knows a housecleaner that

- is willing to clean a house in Wash Park area

- has not been our housecleaner before

please could you let me know





I would suggest calling the City of Denver Hazardous Material Task Force. They are familiar with the handling and disposal of biological hazardous materials.



From: Carribine, Roger

Go on, do it, release an orange juice joke company wide...

From: Goodrich, Glenn

Phil got slammed by a dork!

Phil got slammed by a dork!




Brought to you by the Nonce Selection Committee:

Tom Polanski, Al Brown, Roger Carribine, Derren Duburguet, Philip Penn


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