(Formerly Colorado Players but half these c***knockers have buggered off back to civilisation)

Ah, sunny Colorado. Friends come and go but these tosseurs seem to stick like noxious adhesive (unlike the Former Colorado Folk). Not 'ere? Perhaps you were an school variety, or from uni, or part of the fam?

Player Existence Most Likely To...
Jane Aitken Bust brains. Win a speed-talking competition. Discourage investment in Le Marche.
Rachel Armstrong Out-IM the MSN equivalent of IBM's "Big Blue". Get caught in the personal development-consumerlife tug of war
Chris Ash cash_sm.jpg (3666 bytes) Talk incessantly about how much Americans like foreigners. Keep taking the pills. Threaten to shave Al's hair if he pulls again. Likes this hand job.
Sunanda Bachu Become linguistically American in record time
Keith Bailey Nipple-clamp you into a bootyquake
Danielle Balestier Minx things up, a possible reaction to underemployment or the comparative ennui of Colorado life
Pete Battywebico.jpg (1039 bytes) peteb_sm.jpg (5954 bytes) Purchase elaborate gadgets at inflated prices
Catie Baumer Play Meg Ryan as a cosmopolitan-swilling, city-dwelling, hardnosed businesswoman running a military-industrial complex, only to realise her destiny lay in being a tree hugging children's Tv presenter, after a stint of being an escort for Richard 'Bumface' Gere. Who'd have thought it?
Mr "Biggie" Big Hyperactively snog you on the way out of the pool
Graham Blandwebico.jpg (1039 bytes) Come 1st in a smooth/suave/sophisticated competition.

In Scumthorpe.

Rachelle Bowen Loop the loop, compete with John & Glenn for Brit-lover of the year.
Amy Boyd Out-network a switchboard
Al Brown al_sm.jpg (5002 bytes) Say any of the following phrases or words, repeatedly: "If you know what I'm saying/ I mean", "Great", "Brilliant", "Mate". Currently sporting an Aussie accent
David Campbell From the Far East through the East End, Corporate Droid to self-styled solo Kray twin sans frontieres. Namaste indeed.
Lindsay Campbell Dance her way to yoga heaven. Cohabit with some cadgers. Covet Callies' career.
Maura Capaul maura_sm.jpg (7716 bytes) Organize world trips, get rich from one of those schemes
Roger Carribine  roger_sm.jpg (5442 bytes) Buy and sell more shares in a day than George Soros /
Cyndi webico.jpg (1039 bytes) cindy_sm.jpg (6345 bytes) Give up on her mates when in a relationship. Come back to them when it's over.
David "Dr Davis" Davis Carry on mobile narcotics unit
Marjorie De Puy marjorie_sm.jpg (6096 bytes) Claim to be from New Zealand, nurse an old bleeder
Jodi "Red Scarf" Dick Knit her way into the upper echelons of education
Derren Duburguetwebico.jpg (1039 bytes) derren_sm.jpg (6476 bytes) "Deals off". Misunderstanding his role. When is DQD??
Wayne Du Preez Wayne.jpg (7312 bytes) Blunter than an old pick axe, get into a fight based on a sporting point of view (ie SA rules).
"Fat" Mike Ellis End up as a minor celeb, having scammed the laydeez with his shaken-not-stirred approach. 
Flat Eric Get into amazingly tight spots, win over parties
Kelly Fagan Alco-rage after one merlot too many. Commendable chunder record, mind.
Jay Fishel Simultaneously pull & push away birds in the Vail house. 

Introduce you to the joy that is Larry Williams (Bayam!)

Shauna Fitzmorris  

Suitably situated in this list adjacent to Seanie

Sean Flannery -- the Second Coming Born-again clubber, Seanio's back bigger and more barking than ever. More likely than most to engage in any 'scene'-related activity.
Double-oh-David Flannery See previous, but with enhanced pulling power
Camille Foote Reconstruct the scene
John Fowler jonf_sm.jpg (11228 bytes) Move his body like a character from Toy Soldiers. Bit of a romeo

Wishes he was British (don't we all?). Prone to recording the odd phone call

Joey "nice 'n' easy" Frease freasey.jpg (5695 bytes) Hike up a mountain rather than take a ski-lift. Other than that, be the laziest resident of Boulder.
Nick Furness webico.jpg (1039 bytes) nickf_sm.jpg (5805 bytes) Get swallowed by his own rectum. Consistent winner of the "Poor Man's Pete Batty" award since '96.
Glenn Goodrichwebico.jpg (1039 bytes) glenn_sm.jpg (5607 bytes) Oscillate between anger and ecstasy. Say "Hi" in a high-pitched voice. Currently sweating in the South

Have good knowledge of British comedy, as well as be a comedy himself.

Simon Gurner SimonGurner.jpg (4203 bytes) Use an ugly Australian as his 'Wingman'.
Monica "Mo" Hargis monica_sm.jpg (4380 bytes) Be seen in the Scooby Doo Wagon. Currently on parole in Boston. Wish that I replace this photy with a more flattering one
Sarah Harris Adopt an American
Jon Hartley webico.jpg (1039 bytes) jon_sm.jpg (8732 bytes) Tartley: Confounded moron, or bumbling idiot? 

Let's see what the police thought...

Susan Herdina Realize that Redlands is Deadlands. Know the meaning of warm milk. 

Settle for someone alphabetically adjacent on this list.

Erin Hirsch Jump aboard the summer of leisure, Vail-house / Country Club-style.

Settle for someone who used to be alphabetically adjacent on this list. 

Barrett "Golden Badger" "Drunky"  cvgHogue Be a deviant Canadian Communist born 80 years too late and blaming the city of Houston & the Lakers for it.
Jason Ihaia jason_sm.jpg (6073 bytes) Dazzle women with his "yeah yeah" / "Awesome" routine. About 4 coach loads of donkey snot.
Regi Jenkins Electrocute small mammals
Ken Johns kenj_sm.jpg (5195 bytes) Break his neck with his 720 turns. Currently in a bleak northern town.
Tanya "Spitfire" Keil Scream "Los Gatos" in high pitch, out-step an aerobics instructor. Seen here being impersonated by an as yet unknown imposter
Kelley Kiefer Organize a her social life on marathon lines. Regurgitate blokes
Neil Kirkwood Give the misleading impression that not all Geordies are loud
Jess Knampbell Campbell-obsessed, technophiliac love doctor
Renee "Redbull" Larson Get in there. Take up physical education as a career.
Rifca "Squiffy Riffy" LeDieu Go from nought to squiffy in breathtaking time.
Matt "Shiv" McFarlandwebico.jpg (1039 bytes) Infuse the scene with his insane Philly moves in order to cover up his 41 year old, balding accountant, lives-with-mother driving habits.

<JB> Welcome Aboard </JB>

Lance McGeewebico.jpg (1039 bytes) lance_sm.jpg (5957 bytes) Get beaten in table footy (arf arf).
Dani McIntyre Leave threatening voicemails
Chris "McShag" McShanag Shaggy.jpg (4476 bytes) Suffer from delusions of grandeur
Kat Mason The Jeckyl & Hyde of the social conduct spectrum
Alex Menendez Sport some of the bigger San Fran surfer nawks. 

Score one of the cooler player photies. Smoooove.

Kerry Moyer kerry_sm.jpg (5827 bytes) Laugh the longest
Katie O'Brien

webico.jpg (1039 bytes)

Live a semi-charmed kind of Californian existence. Fall foul of a pappagallo in disguise.        
Ray "O'Ted" O'Connell oconnellray.jpg (6539 bytes) Get skanked by a dodgy car dealer. Ray, did you learn nothing in Liverpool?

Kim "e" Oram-Smith

kim_sm.jpg (5466 bytes) Oscillate between ecstasy & agony - within a minute. Get hitched to a blagger.
James "Aussie Ozzy" Osborne Property magnate, IT chancer and survivor of seven cvg/slb rounds. Convince people to buy more real estate over a rumour-filled lunchtime concerning impending layoffs..
Aaron "Topper" Patterson aaron_sm.jpg (4251 bytes) Flash the cash on overpriced goods (see 'Pete Batty Syndrome')
Cary Payne caryp_sm.jpg (3762 bytes) Be the highest paid female I know
Emma Pearson Enjoy Indie muzak
Mark "Percy" Percy Surf the Flange wave
Carlo Piccini Chauffeur to the stars Geordies
Kelly Plasto Drown in a vat of red wine, causing countless others to come to the party.
Stephanie Reed Love the world.

Empower the e generation

Patrick Robinson Get confused about work-life balance
Marcy Rosenbloom marcy_sm.jpg (4294 bytes) Be hounded into hiding
Amy St John amy_sm.jpg (5184 bytes) Out-belch someone twice her weight / half her IQ
James "Softie" Sanders softus_sm.jpg (5964 bytes) Be more British than Blur
Elizabeth Sargent Come out on the pool
Greg "the company psycho" Scott gregs_sm.jpg (6605 bytes) Wrestle the CEO to the floor
Milo Schaffer Get molecular on yo ass. Still a ringer Ali-G, though, innit.
Bitsy Schneider Mash her feet for relief
Brooke Schoener Outspank Armitage Shanks
Shannon Schroeder Typify the descent into /emancipation in early thirties singledom. An American Bridget Jones for our times? Wilkommen. Currently on assignment in Blighty for Scumberger.
Lauren Self Belie her Midwest girl-next-door look/leanings. A siren for her times.
Dana Sisti  danas_sm.jpg (7204 bytes) Wear a different pair of shoes every hour of the day. Sing without feeling for those around her.
Rob Smithson Heir to the throne / Mark Thatcher half-brother.

 Aspire to geekdom.

Neil Stone webico.jpg (1039 bytes) Be relegated to sidekick status, in spite of musical taste exceeding the norm.
Stoppenhagen Dispense with formality. Move to, erm, rural Suffolk
Katie Syverud Display that sense of liberated/empowered 21st century woman. But is it believable? 
Justin "Kraka" Thomas Write the world's best UT Stats generator. Have to endure circumnoncery at work.

Impersonate Rolf Harris.

Adam Tonkin Couldn't put a photy in here or the site would be overrun with females Try and chat up, okka-style*, anything that moves. Phenomenal, erm, hit rate.
Deborah Thompson deborah_sm.jpg (6024 bytes) Live a life of luxury
Gareth Thompson gareth_sm.jpg (4762 bytes) Snowboard like a small child
Riaan Van Tonder Rian.jpg (4098 bytes) Whinge about how his Rugby/Cricket/whatever team fail to beat England and/or Australia
George Wallace poorgeorge_sm.jpg (5307 bytes) Save lots of money but die in misery. Wear the same t-shirt/troosers for a season.
Marty "Farty Bowels" Walls marty_sm.jpg (8744 bytes) Use his bowels to comedy effect
Nikki Wheeler Relate to Washington
Roger Wilde Be more manic than a six year old child on tartaric acid-filled orange squash. And a better snowboarder.
Erica Winkler webico.jpg (1039 bytes) erica_sm.jpg (8663 bytes) Purchase a season ski pass - without using it. Click here to see what could have been.
Rob "Iron Monger" Younger roby_sm.jpg (5036 bytes) Wax eloquent on matters to do with footy/snowboarding. Singlehandedly win an RMFC game

*this does not always involve words

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