Leading articles
August 25, 2003
California dreamin'
It is not only the climate that is changing Britain
The summer scene is exotically familiar. The vines are promising a bumper harvest on the gentle, chalky slopes. Convertibles are cruising the warm evening streets. Surfers are oiling their pecs beside their dripping boards. The smart set is out on the terrace, sipping chardonnay, while the king-size barbecue is grilling organic sausages. The inner city throbs to rap and heavy metal. Welcome to Britain, the Golden State’s outpost in the Old World.
Where have John Major’s cherished old ladies gone on their bicycles? Who is now serving flat, warm beer as cricketers defend the village honour on the green? All are fading as fast as summers beside the rainswept breakwater in Margate, picnics of sausage rolls, boiled eggs and tea from a Thermos beside the family car, tennis parties in baggy shorts, good losers, bad teeth and soggy chips. Now England is no more a land of self-deprecation or amateur enthusiasms. It is brash, tactile, boastful and in-your-face. The old try to look young, the young try to look tanned and the tongue-tied have been displaced by a generation shouting into their mobiles. California may be a state of mind. But now life in Britain has become one Long Beach.
It was, perhaps, inevitable that life should Rollerblade straight across from LA to littl’ ol’ England. Enough of Britain has already decamped to California — the actors to Hollywood, nerds to Silicon Valley and fashionistas to the catwalks. Now the trend is going the other way. We have imported the climate, the Botox, the wine-making and, belatedly, the Jacuzzis. The lettuce in supermarkets is crispy, iced tea is beginning to rival the hot stuff, and waiters insist on introducing themselves. But what do we know of efficiency, hard work and service beyond the inevitable “Have a nice day” and the less than sparkling British toothy grin? And are our Bank Holiday traffic jams really a match for the best of California’s tailbacks?
Image, however, has become reality — itself a concept so very Californian. Health foods, personal trainers, fitness centres and counsellors are all in demand, in Blackburn as well as Bromley, to keep the mind and body as beautiful as the denizens of Malibu. One of the trendier gym chains is called LA Fitness.
Even sex has taken a turn for the torrid. A generation ago it was said that while Europeans had sex, the English had hot-water bottles. Now the earth seems to move for Britons as regularly as it does along the San Andreas fault. The commuter’s uxorious morning peck has become a daily display of passionate parting. Well, perhaps not entirely. Emoting is more difficult than Rollerblading.
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